Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
