So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
