dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
