sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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