im drinking this country out of the recession.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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