I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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