fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
