STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
