didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
