Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
