Its about making memories worth repressing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
