this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
