idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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