My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
