I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
