Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
