pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize