i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
