Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
