I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
where are my pants?
in the oven.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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