if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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