check it out our google latitudes are spooning
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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