he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
