Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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