so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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