I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
