I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
