We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
