and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
