Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
