Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
