no, he came in my armpit
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
