I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
