Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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