Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
