Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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