Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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