I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you would pick up someone in the library
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
