I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize