I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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