Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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