why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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