I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
