Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
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