I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
