How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
