I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Randomize
