Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
