end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
