For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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