The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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