did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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