Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
