WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
