one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
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