It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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