Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
