Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
