the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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