I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
