I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
