Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
