i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
