when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
There are leaves in my underwear?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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