areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
