She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize