One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
