saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
