Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Ketchup is God's man juice
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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