my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
