OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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